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You guys. I have been one busy little bee – between our trip to Nashville and the three days that I was forced into the office to work in person (what, do they think I work for them or something?), I was frankly overwhelmed. So, I apologize to my fans for the radio silence last Sunday. But do not fret, dear reader, for this Weekend Update will catch you up on everything you missed from last week. It’s gonna be a long one, so buckle up.

Pilates Review

Monday (March 31): Reformer Flow 2 with Maesy

Yes, the rumors are true, I have officially been crowned Pilates Queen and granted access to the level 2 classes at Club Pilates. This class was my test to see if I could keep up and let me tell you, I was nervous as all get out. I had reason to be nervous – it was quite tough! The moves were a lot more advanced and it was faster-paced, but I did my best. We did a variation of the below, with our elbow on the box next to the reformer rather than the floor. I did almost fall because I was so focused on my sweaty elbow not sliding off the box, I didn’t ensure that I had the best grip on the foot bar. Terrifying, but I recovered.

I have never sweat like that in a Pilates class. It was lowkey embarrassing when class was over and there was literally a puddle of sweat on my reformer, but I felt amazing afterward. After class, I went to talk to Maesy to see if I passed and she let me know that I am good to sign up for any level 2’s. Meaning, I don’t have to take the test at the Alexandria location! She told me that she didn’t have any critiques for me and that I’m a “pleasure to have in class”. So, obviously, I went to my car and cried a little bit. :’)

Monday (April 7): Reformer Flow 1.5 with Lorena

Because of my work obligations and Nashville, the level 2 was the only class I had last week. This week, I was able to get some more classes in, but still not fully back on track due to being in the office on Wednesday and Thursday. My body was not very happy with me for waiting an entire week to get back to class. My calves were also so sore from walking around Nashville in cowboy boots all weekend, so this class was tough.

I’ve never had a class with Lorena before, but I liked her class. I especially liked that she demonstrated some of the moves on an empty reformer for us because my brain was not comprehending verbal instructions. Because of my soreness and my blood sugar also dropping to dangerous levels despite my emergency juice box, I bailed out of a lot of the moves. I would like to take her class again when I’m feeling more like myself.

Friday (April 11): Reformer Flow 1.5 with Daniel

There is a creator on TikTok, Becca Bastos, who has a series of videos making fun of Pilates instructors for how they count. At one point she says, “And we hold this pose for 3… business days.” I always thought these were funny but hadn’t encountered an instructor who took it to quite that level. That is, until I took a class with Daniel whom I fear is a bit of a sadist.

At one point, we were holding a hollow hold, and he was counting us down by saying, “50, 40, 30, 20, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 5, 5, 5, 5, 5, 4, 4, 4, 4, 3, 2, 1.” Then when we all collapsed back onto the reformer in exhaustion, he made us get back into it so we could come out of it more controlled. We held everything for so long, that when we were in our planks, he had us go around the room and answer questions like our favorite drinks or breakfasts to distract ourselves.

It was a really tough class but I actually enjoyed it and really liked his teaching style. He was really good at reminding us when to inhale and exhale during moves which is helpful, because I tend to hold my breath when I am focusing or holding something for a long time. I will definitely be taking a class with him again!

Sunday (April 13): Reformer Flow 1.5 with Maesy

I’m starting to sound like a broken record every time I review Maesy’s classes and say that it was a tough one, but again… it was a tough one. I also made it harder on myself by picking the 5 pound weights instead of the 3 and taking most of the progressions. I have been a little frustrated with myself because I feel like I have been struggling a little bit since getting back into a proper routine. (AKA only going to one class last week). So, I decided to really push myself today, Pilates shakes be damned.

I was very happy to take the plank progression though of putting my feet on the foot bar rather than the platform. Maesy caveated this progression with “If you are approved for level 2 classes, you can put your feet on the foot bar.” I thought, “Showtime, baby” and jumped right up there. I was shaking like a leaf and a little scared but I did it. We also worked on our teasers which I was thankful for as mine have been lacking lately.

As always, another great class with Maesy!

HBIC

Annual reviews were last week at work and you are now looking at the newest Compliance and Communications Manager. Gone are the days of being an associate, I am now going to manage the hell out of compliance and communications. We were also told last week that our company is being acquired by another company. Management let us know that not a lot is going to be changing for us, at least not right away. Things are still up in the air but I was disheartened to hear that like us, this new company also uses Dell laptops. So this is unfortunately not the path that will lead me to finally getting a Mac work laptop. But I will never give up on this fight!

This week was also our in-person annual meeting. As the chair of the Social Committee I had the opportunity to boss everyone around organize the social event: mini golf at Swingers in DC. I was in charge, chasing down each person on a team to tell them when they were up to golf, keeping track of the scores, passing along information from the venue staff, and declaring a winning team. At one point, as I was running around trying to find the next team, someone asked me, “Megan, are you going to be able to take a break from being in charge and have some fun?” to which I responded, “I am in charge and I am having the time of my life.” Because of the acquisition, I am staying on as social chair through the end of the year and am looking forward to planning the next event.

I was bone-tired after the event which became glaringly obvious when I got on the wrong metro. The Silver, Blue, and Orange are on the same line up to a point before they branch off. After I got to the metro station, I was pleased to see that a train had just arrived and I could immediately hop on without having to wait around. I strolled on, sat down, and immediately opened my book to get a good 30 minutes of reading in. After about five stops, the train announced that we were arriving at a station that I didn’t recognize. That’s when I realized I had gotten on the Silver instead of the Blue and was not heading to my home in Alexandria, but to *shudder* Dulles. I scrambled off the train, over to the other side, and backtracked to the same station I left from before getting on the correct train. And this is why I should always have a work-from-home job.

Are You From Nashville? Because Tennessee

Last weekend, we sent Penny off to jail and headed to Nashville for the weekend for a friend’s birthday. I’m not going to lie, Nashville is probably not for me at this (sober) point in my life, but it was still a nice getaway and a fun opportunity to wear cowboy boots all weekend. And I got a lot of reading done in the AirBNB when everyone else headed to the bars on Broadway!

Alex and I took a break from the honky-tonks to try out a bar that we had seen ads for on TikTok called Play Playground – basically a Chuck E Cheese for adults. There was a giant wheel that you sat on while it tried to spin you off, a velcro wall, and giant versions of classic games like Operation and Bop It. The ads definitely hyped up the experience, but it was still a fun concept and the highlight of the trip for me.

Entertainment Weekly

Last week’s Wednesday Movie Date Night movie was Death of a Unicorn. This was an interesting story and I don’t know if I would’ve seen it if it didn’t have the cast it had, including Jenna Ortega and Paul Rudd (who has not aged a day since Clueless). Paul Rudd is Jenna Ortega’s dad and he is bringing her on a business trip to stay with his boss, who is dying of cancer and is considering including Rudd in the family business. On the way to their home, Rudd and Ortega accidentally hit, and assume kill a baby unicorn. They soon find out that the unicorn has healing properties and the boss and his family immediately start trying to monetize the unicorn. But the unicorn is not dead and the mother and father unicorn will kill anyone in their way to get their baby back.

It was a pretty crazy story and I’d like to know what drugs the writers were on when they came up with this idea, but I didn’t hate it. I am a big fan of Jenna Ortega and of course, Paul Rudd can do no wrong in my eyes. Will I watch it again? No, but was it a waste of one of our free movies? Also no.

This week’s Wednesday Movie Date Night was postponed to Thursday as I was busy managing a corporate putt-putt tournament and getting lost on the metro Wednesday night. We saw The Amateur: when a CIA decoder’s wife is killed by terrorists while on a business trip, Charles Heller (Rami Malek) uses his decoding skills to find and hunt down the killers one-by-one. I LOVED this movie – the writing, the storyline, the casting (Rami Malek is so awkward to me but this character needed to be a little awkward), and in the end, my people – the Finnish – save the day. Definitely recommend The Amateur!

Two movie reviews, two book reviews, and two Yellowjackets reviews? I’m spoiling y’all. Episode 9: Well, people are dropping like flies this episode. Back in The Wilderness, we nearly lose Melissa when Shauna catches her shooting the shit with Hannah. Shauna responds to this shit shooting by shooting a literal gun at Melissa. Don’t worry, along with Shauna’s many other faults, she’s also a terrible shot. The group of teen Yellowjackets that is sane and would like to get their asses back to New Jersey, form a plan to free Kodi and Hannah. Nat supplies Hannah with a knife so that she can free herself and Kodi and run for help, but instead of escaping, Hannah turns the knife on Kodi, declaring that she wants to be a part of “this”. It’s giving weird Aunt who wants to go to the high school party with her niece. Oh and perfect timing – it’s starting to snow! Another winter in The Wilderness is upon us.

In the adult timeline, Misty, Shauna, Van, and Tai are holding Melissa hostage in her own house. Misty basically says, “I’m crazy, but Shauna, you are batshit, I am out of here” and leaves. While the others discuss what to do with her, Melissa pulls a crazy move, shutting the fireplace flue and filling the house with carbon monoxide. Van, who had gone back to the car to get a hit of oxygen (as we will remember, she is actively dying), walks back in to find Tai, Shauna, and Melissa passed out. She pulls Tai from the house and revives her and when she wakes up, she’s real Tai. Turns out the only thing that was needed to shun Dark Tai was a little bit of carbon monoxide poisoning. Van goes back in to save Shauna then returns to deal with Melissa. She tries her hardest to kill Melissa but she can’t get herself to do it. Melissa thanks her for sparing her life by turning the knife on Van before making a run for it. We get a death vision from Van where she is on the plane with her teen self. She is all of us as she is outraged that she died. But young Van tells her “Surviving this was never the reward.”

Well folks, we made it to the season finale. What will I live for, if not for my weekly episode of cannibal high school soccer players? We got two big reveals in the finale: 1. Pit Girl was Mari and 2. the Antler Queen was Shauna. Oh, and that’s Mari’s scalped hair hanging on Shauna’s dress. Cool, cool, cool. My prediction has been wavering between Pit Girl being Mari or Hannah, but Hannah plays another role in this episode: cosplaying Natalie while Natalie takes the repaired phone and heads into the mountains. The final scene is of a man responding to Nat’s frustrated cries of “Can anyone hear me?” with “I can hear you.” Dude, if you’re coming to The Wilderness on a rescue mission, you better bring a full SWAT team lest you get an ax to the head.

Back in present day, Tai buries Van but not before slicing into her and eating an organ that looked suspiciously like her heart. It’s giving insanity on par with MGK and Megan Fox drinking each other’s blood. To which I said, why are we burying her in the woods in the first place? Call the police and tell them Melissa did it, because… she did? Maybe they want to be the ones to find Melissa and not the cops. But, did they clean up Melissa’s house? Because Melissa has a family and that place is a bloody mess. I guess we’ll see next season. Also: I KNEW IT. That DNA under Lottie’s fingernails was Callie’s, not Shauna’s. We get the scene of Callie confronting Lottie to get the stolen tape back. Lottie tells her that “It” is in her and that Callie actually has the potential to be much worse than Shauna. Callie responds by giving her a nice little shove down the stairs. I’m not sure when the DNA got under the fingernails, but we’ll just ignore that. Tai and Misty close out the episode by agreeing that Shauna is batshit and something needs to be done.

I just looked it up to find the release date for season 4 and People reported yesterday that it has not been renewed yet for a fourth season. I will riot.

The extra reading time in Nashville was a blessing as last week’s book was The Secret History by Donna Tartt. The story focuses on Richard, a college student who gets mesmerized by a group of students who are majoring in Classics at an elite New England school. This group is rich, smart, and mysterious, and Richard is determined to be one of them. He slowly inches his way into their inner circle, but when one of them disappears and is found dead at the bottom of a ravine, he starts to question if he’s really been accepted into the group or if his intended role was always meant to be the scapegoat.

This was a tough read for a few reasons. First, this book was released in 1992 but the writing style reminds me of a Pride and Prejudice or some other 1800’s classic. The language was very flowery and I spent probably half the time it took me to read the book looking up words. It was also a very slow burn. The entire second half of the book is dealing with the consequences of the death, so there is not a lot of plot to get through. I loved this book and would definitely recommend it, however, I did find myself wanting to read more to find out what happens but being physically incapable of keeping my eyes open. If you are a night-time-in-bed reader, I would suggest something else and saving this book for when you are fully rested and caffeinated.

I picked up this week’s book, None of This is True by Lisa Jewell, in the Nashville airport. We had been kicked out of our AirBNB at 11:00AM, went to brunch, and then had nowhere to go with our luggage, so we headed to the airport to wait for our 8:00PM flight back. The story follows Josie and Alix, strangers until they both go to the same pub to celebrate their birthdays and discover that they are birthday twins – born on the same day and even at the same hospital. Alix is a podcaster who is married to a successful real estate agent and lives in a gorgeous home with him and their two children, 10 and seven. In contrast, Josie married a 40-something-year-old man when she was 18, has two grown children, exclusively wears denim, and works as a seamstress. Josie convinces Alix to make a podcast about her because she’s about to change her life. During the making of the podcast, Alix uncovers sickening details about Josie’s life and starts to be unsure of this woman that she has suddenly allowed into her and her family’s life. When Alix’s husband goes missing, the stories that Josie told Alix about her life begin to unravel to reveal that they were just that: stories.

With the time in the airport, the flight, and my journeys into the office on the metro, this turned into a pretty quick read. Also, because I was hooked pretty early on. I have read other books by Lisa Jewell, including Then She Was Gone and The Family Upstairs, and have really enjoyed her writing. This was no different – it was suspenseful but also felt very real – like I could put myself in each of the character’s shoes and understand how they were feeling. Loved it!

Rant of The Week

Rant of the week has returned! I had a lovely few weeks without needing to rant but I’m back at it to tell you all that working in the office is dumb. I really like how my company does it: we mainly work from home, but there is an option to reserve a desk and come in to the office for the day. Then we have a mandatory all-team meeting once a year. As outlined in the section HBIC, our in-person meeting was this past week and it made me realize how grateful I am to work from home.

For those who work in the office every day, they not only have to commute to work (which takes me an hour and costs $6 on the metro), but they have to get up early enough to look presentable. Like their whole body, not just the upper half. That’s another hour. So they have to wake up a minimum of two hours earlier every day. Then another hour after work to get home. So an 8-hour work day turns into 11 hours. That’s three hours wasted.

I probably sound like a total Gen Z, COVID work baby, but I at one time, did work in the office. I have definitely found that I am much more efficient working from home when I’m not distracted by other people or keeping my professional mask on at all times. Plus, I am much happier and less overwhelmed with my home responsibilities while working from home. Now, if I finish a task early, I can take a break and do the dishes or start a load of laundry quickly before a meeting. When I was in the office, I would finish my to-do list and have nothing else to do. I once reorganized the entire supply closet because I had nothing else to do.

So, basically, if you aren’t working from home, you’re wasting three hours of your life every workday. Sorry to break it to you.

In’s and Out’s

In:

Working from home

Level 2 Pilates

Microdosing Protein Diet Cokes (we’re back, baby)

Out:

Level 1 Pilates

Stressing over made-up deadlines that you give yourself

Not renewing Yellowjackets for a fourth season

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Sorry again for the delayed post, but as I have clearly stated above, stressing over made-up deadlines that you give yourself is OUT. (But I promise to never ever let you down again).